Once in a while, when I feel completely satisfied with myself yet left awaken in the middle of the night, I like to take a stroll around the neighbor hood. Sometimes the quietness of the city and the darkness of the known paths can enlighten a new thought. The sojourn walks are the most comfortable completeness I feel between the serenity of life and the clandestine pleasures of the ego.

If anyone has ever read the book "The Anthem" by Ayn Rand (a rather quick book, probably takes about 1-2 hrs to read?), they will understand that the privacy of the individual, the right to enjoy life as a subjective being, is the quitessence of free life.

What or where is the place of your complete privateness. Perhaps it is not a place but an object of reminder, or a familiar tune. It may not bring you the same feeling and thought that it brings me, but hopefully it will be the place where it is yours and yours alone.

To many of us, it is even this computer, this blog. It was often that locked diary under our mattress steeped with eternal secrets and passions. But the past is only to be remembered, where do you and can you listen to yourself talk, not ridiculed by your peers nor crowds, yet be critical of your mistakes.

When I walk 3-4 a.m in the morning by streets I've walked many times over, and walk through the government housings of wrecked buildings, I remind my self of the adrenaline of personal fear that enables me to smile even at the most wretched circumstances.

If you do not have this place of longing and forgiving, of self-reflection and epiphany, of repeated discussions and quiet passions, then I urge you to find this place sooner than later. But I assure you, it will not appear because you seek nor will you find it because you long for it. You will find and experience it because you will need it. You will understand it when you find yourself in lack of everything that I have spoken and thet life is not worth living without the reflection of itself.

And if I may add my religious input into this bit, during those times of reflections, doubt yourself, could it be possible that I was wrong and they were right; in views, in beliefs, and in actions.

Have a good night everybody sleep weel, it's probably the longest human tradition.

Selection

Question of the day: How can you, if possible, seperate intellectual decisions with emotional decisions?

It's raining, ain't no need to go outside. So sweet potatoes and Catching 22 across the sidewalk.

Far away I can feel the breeze with friendly conversations. What kind of combinations shall lead my morning dews left with none but the outdated dues.

Rhythm and Beat, Medium of Stations to Stations of ideas cut out magazines.

Knowledge of selection; Train of Thought disciplining the journey of city to stardom.
Left where nothing is right? or Right where nothing is left.

Oh the Impossible soul impersistent industry of intellectual incorporations or the patronizing passions of perfection in illusion.

My God, are you the God of Truth and doubt or the God of undesired feelings and the calculable spectrum of uncertainty?

Unexplained absences

How do the mirrors shatter when the science of our sleep suddenly wakes it self up from the quenching dream? I guess realizing the absences of a close one, whether that be your inner-self or your friend, is like waking up from a sweaty mad dream. Unexplained absences of something direly subconscious pertrubing in your bed.

I walked because you walked.

I'm not quite sure if this kind of thoughts are the product of unproductive laziness or from a reflection of series of sordid events. As we grow older we are bound experience both sides of the lifeline: jubilation and mourning.

20's will bring us more weddings and more funerals; more bachelor parties and more emergency rooms; more lotteries and more accidents; friends anew and friends of the past. As we attempt to hold onto the good things of the past and charge into the luck of the future, what should our attitudes as christians be to the success and failures in life?

Where in my failures and regrets can I find myself as a redeemed man?

I've battled strenuously and sleeplessly over the passings of my uncle, cousin, Matthew Loo, Grandmother, and Deborah Lee all in 2 months. I still can't grasp what it means to die. Do these mean anything at all? To die and live in Christ, unwritten in history books?

I walked because you walked.

Now that I'm older, I want to be well.

I titled this 'unexplained absences' in the hope of a future with Explained Presence. To those who quest for Truth, perhaps these are the most frustrating yet fruitful conversations, the conversation of death and the will-never-know-until-you-get-there.

This is a forlorn and faithful prayer to all who rest in peace.
I love you a lot, I love you from the top of my heart.