Tuesday, September 27, 2011

Wind

The Inability to speak to each other enlightens a new sense. To hear the sound of silence.



All the people I have ever loved and hated. Misunderstandings and Recognitions. Hackneyed pop culture. All sitting in an audience in front of me. Except the ones who really know me. They share my stage: in suffering and in glory.

A band of teenagers playing his part in the showcase of one's life no one told.

Music starts playing from the speakers, but no one is playing their instrument. A recording of broken hearts and shattered dreams.

The piano is still, though the heart of the pianist suggests other wise. The guitar is motion less, while the tears stream steady and sound. It is like this with the drums and the bass. They are merely a visual spectacle of the symbolism of death.


I cry and I cry, but in silence. Needless to say that one's life flashing is a flash of people's faces. Faces of the people you've loved and hated. But when they are all sitting in front of you, Silent and in Tears, words are a distraction. Cry my beloved.

And in the climax of the collective noise, No One is lost nor confused about the meaning of their lives nor the purpose of the seat they have chosen to take. Listen my beloved.


Too much of my ego has broken the people around me. Only in an unadulterated darkness can I be set free.

Can I let others free?

Always in Silence

Monday, September 5, 2011

Artistic Discipline

The image of a creative discplinarian just doesn't suit well with most of our imaginations. Perhaps it's the trait of spontaneity that seemingly contradicts the organizational and time-management skills that oh so many business kids seem to desire. Aritistic Discipline: a paradox of our times.

But who do you believe is the most artistic person in the world? Ask any artist of any sort, I think they will be the first ones to admit that their creativity is only a masking of countless hours of practice and discipline. Nike, Adidas, Puma. So many, athlete's wear companies exploit the discpline and the perseverence of an athlete as a brilliant marketing ploy. Impossible is nothing. While the consensus is that the artists are 3.am umemployed freelancers, pseudo geniuses that creates random cycles of so-called-"art" (except maybe pianists haha)

But this couldn't possibly be more false. The free-est person ever to sing, write, paint, act etc... They are not the men of lethargic creativity, rather they are the men who have suffered, persevered, and endured.

I want to be free, but freedom is not to 'do whatever you want'. It must not be eloquently masked in "Live for Today" nor "Just do what makes us happy". Fr. Barron once said: Freedom is not merely a choice nor self-determination, freedom is the discipling of desires so as to make the achievement of the good first possible and then effortless. Discipline does not limit one's freedom, but awkens freedom. Law is not an afront to freedom, but a ground to freedom.

Freedom is my hope and freedom is my purpose. Today, I find freedom in the discpling of my desires as I look forward to what lies ahead. Challenge me, then I will respond, and eventually, effortlessly.

Tuesday, August 30, 2011

Panic

How many times a day do you panic at the regrets that passed by?

Hours of facebook, missed busses, empty printer cartridges.

Something in your voice tells you ‘I told you so’ and though you loathe yourself for the broken self-promises and passive lethargy and nothing will change the fact that you were just a lazy bum who made all the wrong choices, perhaps a choice not to choose. You want to stay positive, look at tomorrow with a fresh start, the sun shall rise again tomorrow, it will be a whole new ball game and tomorrow will be my day. It’s tomorrow and you’ve already slept in.

The repetitive cycle of laziness is so easy to kick in during the summer, especially if you don’t have a visual purpose to each day. Sometimes, being busy for the sake of being busy is probably the best choice one can make.

As I gear towards another year of school, I find myself in a self-perpetuated hole. Basically, I’m screwed for Calculus 2. No, let’s be positive, I ‘might’ pass. The thing is, I haven’t solved a single mathematical problem in the past 9 months. And to inquire into unsolved problems, especially after cramming Calc 1, is just stupid, but I’ve done it yet again. Boy am I scared.

What is my solution? Well, just as I crammed Calc 1 in 8 hours, I’m going to have to mass cram the course again in one week. Yes, go through the headings of each chapter, practice two questions from each and hope that I’ve got the brains of Einstein. I have to admit, it’s much easier said than done.

But doesn’t something about procrastination excite you? Tempers flaring, nerves shivering, fighting against time with all your sinew. I loved procrastination. But sometimes, our body doesn’t lie. It’s the innocence of our body that can’t shade the dangerous realm of university. After the diagnosis of my Vitilligo, and the recent passings of the NDP leader, Honorable Jack Layton, I’ve come to realize the importance of health and fitness. So, after a page of BS-ing, I’ll get to the point. This is going to be my goal of this year:

To be healthy in mind and body, Carpe Diem pro dio.

This was my mission statement during high school, but for some reason as I entered university I became too ambitious to enjoy life as an entertainment. I became too prideful of my mind and started neglecting my body. I guess there’s a time in every body’s life where they begin to appreciate their body. My time is now. I hope all of you are ecstatic to go back to school, I know I am. Remember that there’s no time to waste between now and tomorrow.

Have a great year and good luck!

It’s all for Him.

Saturday, August 20, 2011

I question the road ahead.

Everything in the world flows to the center. Everything in the world flows to the center,

in the midst of lies and cowardice.

I am like the chaff that the wind blows away, oblivious.
Neither the birds, the trees, nor the winds understand the road ahead.

The allegiance of hopelessnessness,
Lead me, until I pass away.

I Caress it all.

Everything in the world flows to the center.
Where did it all begin? Where did it all end?

As I walk to the fountain of youth,
The pain embeds in the bruises red and blue,
and in every fight, I drink from the foutain of my own blood.

When the Falls of the world solemnly floods my head,

I look upon the world and wait
I look upon the world and wait

then,

I question the road ahead
I question the road ahead.

Saturday, July 16, 2011

Once in a while, when I feel completely satisfied with myself yet left awaken in the middle of the night, I like to take a stroll around the neighbor hood. Sometimes the quietness of the city and the darkness of the known paths can enlighten a new thought. The sojourn walks are the most comfortable completeness I feel between the serenity of life and the clandestine pleasures of the ego.

If anyone has ever read the book "The Anthem" by Ayn Rand (a rather quick book, probably takes about 1-2 hrs to read?), they will understand that the privacy of the individual, the right to enjoy life as a subjective being, is the quitessence of free life.

What or where is the place of your complete privateness. Perhaps it is not a place but an object of reminder, or a familiar tune. It may not bring you the same feeling and thought that it brings me, but hopefully it will be the place where it is yours and yours alone.

To many of us, it is even this computer, this blog. It was often that locked diary under our mattress steeped with eternal secrets and passions. But the past is only to be remembered, where do you and can you listen to yourself talk, not ridiculed by your peers nor crowds, yet be critical of your mistakes.

When I walk 3-4 a.m in the morning by streets I've walked many times over, and walk through the government housings of wrecked buildings, I remind my self of the adrenaline of personal fear that enables me to smile even at the most wretched circumstances.

If you do not have this place of longing and forgiving, of self-reflection and epiphany, of repeated discussions and quiet passions, then I urge you to find this place sooner than later. But I assure you, it will not appear because you seek nor will you find it because you long for it. You will find and experience it because you will need it. You will understand it when you find yourself in lack of everything that I have spoken and thet life is not worth living without the reflection of itself.

And if I may add my religious input into this bit, during those times of reflections, doubt yourself, could it be possible that I was wrong and they were right; in views, in beliefs, and in actions.

Have a good night everybody sleep weel, it's probably the longest human tradition.

Friday, July 15, 2011

Selection

Question of the day: How can you, if possible, seperate intellectual decisions with emotional decisions?

It's raining, ain't no need to go outside. So sweet potatoes and Catching 22 across the sidewalk.

Far away I can feel the breeze with friendly conversations. What kind of combinations shall lead my morning dews left with none but the outdated dues.

Rhythm and Beat, Medium of Stations to Stations of ideas cut out magazines.

Knowledge of selection; Train of Thought disciplining the journey of city to stardom.
Left where nothing is right? or Right where nothing is left.

Oh the Impossible soul impersistent industry of intellectual incorporations or the patronizing passions of perfection in illusion.

My God, are you the God of Truth and doubt or the God of undesired feelings and the calculable spectrum of uncertainty?

Saturday, July 9, 2011

Unexplained absences

How do the mirrors shatter when the science of our sleep suddenly wakes it self up from the quenching dream? I guess realizing the absences of a close one, whether that be your inner-self or your friend, is like waking up from a sweaty mad dream. Unexplained absences of something direly subconscious pertrubing in your bed.

I walked because you walked.

I'm not quite sure if this kind of thoughts are the product of unproductive laziness or from a reflection of series of sordid events. As we grow older we are bound experience both sides of the lifeline: jubilation and mourning.

20's will bring us more weddings and more funerals; more bachelor parties and more emergency rooms; more lotteries and more accidents; friends anew and friends of the past. As we attempt to hold onto the good things of the past and charge into the luck of the future, what should our attitudes as christians be to the success and failures in life?

Where in my failures and regrets can I find myself as a redeemed man?

I've battled strenuously and sleeplessly over the passings of my uncle, cousin, Matthew Loo, Grandmother, and Deborah Lee all in 2 months. I still can't grasp what it means to die. Do these mean anything at all? To die and live in Christ, unwritten in history books?

I walked because you walked.

Now that I'm older, I want to be well.

I titled this 'unexplained absences' in the hope of a future with Explained Presence. To those who quest for Truth, perhaps these are the most frustrating yet fruitful conversations, the conversation of death and the will-never-know-until-you-get-there.

This is a forlorn and faithful prayer to all who rest in peace.
I love you a lot, I love you from the top of my heart.

Wednesday, May 18, 2011

Delighted People

I love you alot.

I love you from the top of my heart.

All delighted people raise their hands


Monday, May 16, 2011

Examined Life


I'm a big philosophy fan.

I try not to show it. It kind of makes me dull. Not everyone is meant to be a philospher.

But, I do believe that philosophy, or perhaps a curiosity of truth and reason, maybe a good thing for society.


I thought long and hard about majoring in philosophy past few months.

Now I'm more confused.

Though some are just meant to be the logic-crazy professors of philsophy, I fantasize sometimes about everyone, from every field, being a philosphy major.

That is not to be so.

But imagine.

Everyone, everybody

Perhaps not for Socrates, Sartre, Aurelius or Aristotle

But fervently curious for truth, reason, beings, art, or anything else in life that they encounter.

An impossible world. but an interesting one indeed.

What is your utopia?

Thursday, May 5, 2011


Why did you kiss me?

Cuz I like you.

I kissed you cuz I like you. I kissed you cuz you like me. You kiss me I kiss you,

I didn't kiss you, Let's kiss.

We kissed on the lips! WHOOOOO!! Hey Guess what, Claire? Me and Her kissed on the lips! WHOOWHOOOO!!!

No more!!

YAAAaaayyyyyy!!

--
Do you remember your first kiss?

Wednesday, May 4, 2011

Vertigo

Time to stop listening and start enjoying.

VERTIGO by Anne Stevenson

Mind led body to the edge of the precipice.
They stared in desire at the naked abyss.
If you love me, said mind,
take that step into silence.
If you love me, said body,
turn and exist.

Question of the day: What is it that makes you exist? take that step into silence, if you love me, said body, turn and exist.

Wednesday, April 27, 2011

Coffee Dumm







Why is Coffee Dumm so great?

Coffee Dumm: Dumm is home in Czech. Dumm(덀) also means kind of like an extra freebie as a gift to customers.

This has been, for all good reasons, my second home in Korea.

Korea, Seoul to be specific, has a very exquisite cafe culture. Actually I'm writing in cafe right now! 21ppl, 7 boys, 3 couples. Ugh, I hate feeling effeminate. Anyways, I've travelled around Seoul and been to many famous cafes. Coffee Dumm, though may not seem like a stand out from all the other 'make u feel artistic and peaceful in a plainly unique atmosphere' cafes, is truly unique, incredibly personal, and has, kind of an alluring pull to the customers, like a little boy(or girl...) who always asks funny questions and loves to be hugged.

It's the owner, we call her Heidi. She's just like a character from a cartoon. Infact, there is an online cartoon about her and the cafe! One of the customers, who is a cartoon artist, decided to make a series about the stories of the cafe.

What's so great about her? Well, 10 months ago she gave up her nursing job to pursue her dream of having her own cafe. Interacting and meeting new people day to day. She's genuinely a sociable person, she loves to talk about her day and listen to your stories. One of those baristas that really care about their customers. Since I've become a daily customer, I was able to see how she interacts with other customers. Genuinely sincere interest[sorry for the cliche]. She always chooses the right words with different people, and in simple terms, knows exactly when to shut up. λˆˆμΉ˜κ°€ λΉ λ₯΄λ‹€. Most importantly, she's like a curious little girl who loves to explore in an adventure.

When I first went to Coffee Dumm, I was just looking for a cafe where I can relax, somewhere I would be comfortable, kind of like the Yonge and Cummer Coffee Time. I took out my book and started reading as plainly as any other student looking to fit in to a new world. I was about half a page through when she served my Hot Chocolate and asked me "Wow, Can you understand all that?" in a pleasantly surprised manner. Then, I explained to her that I was from Canada, and before I knew it, I had settled comforably in Heidi's Coffee Dumm
Since then, she introduced me to 4 ppl whom I'm tutoring currently and has become a close friend during my stay in Korea. Destiny is a strangre mystery.

A more mysterious meeting was with Heidi's husband. He's a handsome looking fellow, a well-built physiotherapist. But we clicked since our first conversation. As soon as I explained to him my interest in philosophy and neuroscience, he shared with me his recent business conference in Germany about neuroscience and his interest inrehabilliating patients with neural damages. He also shared how his interest in NeuroSci sparked an interest in philosophy and psychology. He's a man of surprising erudition. Occasionally going aroung hospitals, he lectures about the most recent and groundbreaking reasearch and practices in physiotherapy[I had no idea it was such a complex and interesting field!]. Currently, he's learning Japanese, German and English[from me!] in spare time so that 1. Read and understand american journals in physiotherapy 2. Study in Germany 3. Japanese just because... :P Although after a few beer we became practically friends(with a 15 year gap, I think having incredibly old siblings help), there's something about his friendly character that renders deep respect and honor. [seriously he reminds me of the gladiator of physiotherapy=]

Dumm = Home

It has become my home and a reason to comeback to Korea to the people who have treated me like long acquainted friends.

This leads to the question of the day: where or who is Home?

I mean, yes, there's the generic christian answer, our home is at heaven, or our home is with the people we love, where we are the most comfortable. But, are we all the same? what makes your home so special?

I'm inclined to say that this laptop has become my home recently. I'm practically glued to this machinery. But does that make it home? Is addiction home? I don't know, what do you think?

Monday, April 25, 2011

Started

Sometimes, when you have the courage to do so, you just gotta take out your old bike and start riding. Perhaps take a new path to your middle-school, or perhaps take the road you've always been taking, but go further. Go down hill without holding the handle, throwing your body away at the risk of a pebble on the road, split the wind with your calm, cool, and collected posture.

If you don't have a bicyle, buy one; you can never go wrong with a nice affordable city-bike, whether you get it at the garage store from the old man down the street or from the cycle store where you always feel that it's over-priced, and it probably is, but it will be your baby to cherish for the next 30 years [for those of us who don't have a car or a motorbike]. The thing is, bicycles are not only more environmentally friendly, but have a longer life-span than cars. Due to the barbarian Canadian weather, automobiles struggle to last more than 10 years, but bycyles, well... you only ride it until fall :) haha.

Cars are great! It can take you 100 miles away for star gazing with your girl-friend, take a drive to a completely foreign places in minutes, become your haven as you travel from East-coast to West-coast, and most importantly, make you the boss if your friends ever need a ride :) [thx david/guang nan] But cars can be, to a certain degree, mundane. When you are focused on the road, there isn't much else you can enjoy. It's like a home with a mission: you can't get too comfortable, but you look like a loser if you get so cought up with the goal.
I guess what I'm really trying to say is that now that school is over(unless you are in Waterloo and there's no such thing as a break), take a deep breath. We may not have so much the time to travel around the world, but we will have the opportunity to look around us and watch the sunset by the park. Something, well frankly, I've missed in Korea. I hope to all of you that you had a wonderful semester filled with those experiences you will never forget and those that you are dying to hope to get out of your head.

School was hard, and no one doubts that. But now that it is over, at least for a little while, let's feel old again, reminiscing the puerile speeches of our childhood. Take a stroll on your bike and let the wind guide you. All you have to do is get started.

Friday, April 22, 2011

Herb and Garlic


So, here's my first step to living a healthier life. Herb and Garlic Chicken salad. You are what you eat.

Ugh. it tastes so... meh... u know? no fat and grease melting in your mouth as your toungue explores through the sweet and heavenly meat. No juice squirting out of the steak as your canine teeth rips through the impenetrable fibre of the red, sinful, bloody blue rare.

Man, I must be the devil, but I haven't had a legit steak in soooo lonnggggggg, and I miss it.

Well, its either this, or a heart attack in 10 years :(

Btw, what's with all the Harper hate among students? Most of the students who are so excited to vote can't WAIT till they get Canada out of the Harper government. Okay, I understand to some degree why, but when I talk to them, they all seem to generalize so much.

I may be a little bit biased, or maybe it's just the difference of values betwen people. But, look! If you are angry that Harper cut funding to many social services that we had the privellege to enjoy, then perhaps you should go to Portugal and enjoy all their benefits as their government realizes that they have been unreasonable in their spendings and just asked EU for a bailout.

In an economic recession, you can't expect the governemnt to increase social services while decreasing tax and at the same time, increase government spending[actually that applies to ALL circumstances]. I'm not an economist, nor an economics major, but I'm pretty sure that doesn't work. If we want to get out of the recession, or at least not fall into a whirlpool like some countries like Greece and Ireland already have, people have to make sacrifices SOMEWHERE along the line. Look at portugal, they DIDN'T make any social cuts without raising taxes, they kept borrowing money to try to circulate the system, then BOOM! "Damn, we are screwed..." Now they will have to live with much lower standard of living like Greece and Ireland are having to deal with.

Okay, I'm not a huge Harper fan either, but let's just be reasonable here. and I find it really ironic how people are attacking Haper for making attack ads... no? I know Haper did a lot of crapy stuff. Don't vote for him if you don't like what he did, like buying that super expensive fighter jet or you think he should've cut funding in something else where your value differs or you belive your rights as a democratic citizen has been violated from the secrecy/hypocrisy of the administration(but then again, which gov't isn't). But don't just hate on him because he cut funding, especially if he cut funding, in what I believe, is from peripheral social values of Canadians.

Let's be honest, the economy is our number one priority[at least for me], and we need a leader that will help grow the economy. All the parties have a different perspective on how to achieve that process. Let's just becareful, not revengeful.

Wednesday, April 20, 2011

The Fireman.





Warning: long blog.

Question of the day: Is happiness the purpose of our life?

I don't mean just the infactuative pleasures, but what people genuinely regard as a happy life: Watching good movies, reading good books, poetry, theatre, sharing valuable time with the people you love, following your passion, being creative, logical; helping others etc...

All of the above is what I would call an 'Indigo Happiness' or a 'Cultured Man'. Everytime I go to Chapters/Indigo, these messages are bombarded at you. See, I used to adhere to that view too, until couple of years ago I volunteered for people with disabilities. They don't watch/read good movies or books, they lack a sense of value so they spend time doing whatever pleases them[most of the time], I don't know WHAT their passions are, they are not that creative nor logical, and they certainly don't have the capabilities to help others when they can't even control their bladder. They are not, and will not be a 'cultured' people.

But they do have a sense of belonging, and they are, as anyone who has worked with the disabled would know, inherently and fully human. Of course that is why we work so painstakingly(literally) to help them to think, to increase their hand-eye corordination, to interact with people, to experience society. But do we do this because we believe that they will be happier by doing this? I don't think so. Most of us just feel an uncontested moral duty, and perhapas even a reward from helping the poor and the weak[I'm referring to the secular, generally] In fact we, the volunteers, think and respect whatever makes the disabled to be happy... to be happy[whatever that means].

So, we don't need the soophistication of our intellect to be happy. After all, philosphers and scientists aren't the happiest ppl in the world! [I may alittle bit biased, but u get the point]

People often refer to the post-modern ignorancy: "Whatevery makes you happy!" But we've seen from the duty of helping the disabled that we believe in something greater than the happiness of an individual to drive forth our lives. In fact, if someone cannot experience this other quality of life that we value so much, then we often feel obliged to help them experience it.

I'm not attempting to find the purpose of humanity nor of each individuals, for only God knows. and perhaps this may not have been the best of example of our instinctive desire for something other than pleasure. But I am attempting to warn people, whatever their religion or philosophies may be, from the "Indigo Happiness"; It is not the purpose of our lives.

Happiness, is not bad. It is just that the happiness we generally speak of is not, and must not be the whole of humanity. The danger of the 'Cultured man', is that our purpose shifts as the culture shifts, from one generation to another. I think most of us, at least those of us who are spritual, understand that there is a pilar of truth to our purpose, and without this pilar, man is, and will be, lost in a world of his own creation. Perhaps I am just trying to redefine the happiness of today. But if, by happiness we mean the "Indigo happiness" or the "Cultured Man" that I have referred to, our happiness is an insufficient fund to the bank of our existence.

We have something, if not greater, more human, more liberating to find our purpose in, than the pleasures, wheter of the body or of the mind. To discover it, is his own journey [or her:P]. Whether that be God, morality, universal-discovery, progressive existence or anything for that matter, one thing is for certain: Once you have experienced the luminous truth, you will never be satisfied with the futile shadows of the dark and the eventually, lonesome cave.

--

"If you don't want a house built, hide the nails and wood. If you don't want a man unhappy politically, don't give him two sides to a question to worry him; give him one. Better yet, give him none. Let him forget there is such thing as war. ... Cram them full of noncombustible data, choke them so damned full of 'facts' they feel stuffed, but absolutely 'brilliant' with information. Then they'll feel they're thinking, they'll get a sense of motion without moving. And they'll be happy, because facts of that sort don't change. Don't give them any slippery stuff like philosophy or sociology to tie things up with. That way lies melancholy... I know, I've tried it; to hell with it. So bring on your clubs and parties, your acrobats and magicians, your daredevils, jet cars, motorcycle helicopters, your sex and heroin, more of everything to do with automatic reflex. If the drama is bad, if the film says nothing, if the play is hollow, sting me with the teremin, loudly. I'll think I'm responding to the play, when it's only a tactile raction to vibration. But I don't care. I just like solid entertainment."

-Fahrenheit 451-



We are more than what other tell us we are.

-That is the function of my seoul today-

Sunday, April 17, 2011

Rant


This is a rant.

Question of the day: does memory create or limit imagination?


I'm currently taking a course on Early Church History, from Jesus to the Reformation. We've only got past the 3rd century, but I realised that there is so much to learn from the early churches. Not that they were perfect, but the issues they were dealing with then are much similar to the issues of today. Though I don't agree with some of the Catholic Theology, I admire that a large, and genuine part of the early church is still remnant in their practices. We have a lot to learn...


This course elicited a theological interest. I mean, I don't want to become a theolgian and all, but to remember that the question of God, no ,a relationship with God is probably the most intriguing and the most important question in our lives. Well, that's nothing new.


What is new, however, is that I've decided to go on a diet. I'm not exactly sure how to go about this really, Ive never been on a diet before, It's quite embarrsing to be honest. Just today, I ate a whole pan of Supremem deluxe pizza. Haha, maybe I'll start tomorrow...maybe... For now, I'm just watching my carbs. Trying to eat more fruits and veggies. But in my opinion, it really comes down to my sleeping habits. To regain control of my life, I need to wake up ealier. I'm determined to go to early morning prayer this week. Next week is Easter/Resurrection sunday, so I've at least got to try to live one week of reflection.


Man, It's THAT week again. Ever since being in Jesus Christ Superstar[JCSS], the last week of lent has been quite special to me[If you don't know JCSS, it's a musical about the last week of Jesus before the crucfixion], and I don't mean that in any spritual form AT ALL. I mean if you've ever had the chance to be in a serious musical/play about a character, you will feel that sense of conneciton too. Haha, I remember yelling 'Crucify him! Crucify him!' [not that, that's a funny subject at all... hee hee]


Speaking of musicals, I watched a play last week called 6남맀[A sibling of 6]. It's about 6 poverty stricken siblings who struggle to make a living without their parents. A very comical and a sentimental performance. Man, there's nothing like the people we love, even if we don't love them.


The Barista looks stressed, he just went out for a smoke. But then again, he looks like one of those guys who always try look like they are stressed but are trying to hide it! Wonder if he just wants some empathy... -Sympathy, Apathy-


Ooo! Should I get a 'make you look taller' shoes? It looks like 1.5 inch from outside, but about 2.5 inch extra inside!! WHOaaaa... Naww, that's like giving the finger to myself, and I'm too opinionated to do that, but if I come back 4 inches taller, ;)


Anyway that's the function of my seoul today. [more like rant]

See ya later!


P.S I'm REALLy excited about this election[not that this is an exciting election, but because it's my first federal election!] Whoever readings, please follow up on the party platforms and VOTE!!! {and encourage others to do so too!!! (just not the green party hee hawww)]




Saturday, April 16, 2011

Normal

Things in korea have turned normal again. The normal I speak of is not of peace and security one seeks after a period of chaos and estrangement. No. It is the type of normal that one dreams as a child never to become. Where beautiful things around you are ignored and time passes unknowingly. Lethargic, plain, boring.

--- Date: April 16, 2011

- Listening to the sound of guitar at Coffee Dumm. Why am I becoming morose all of a sudden?

- Life changes quickly

So many questions, too few answers. smaller my letters, larger the intensity.

Sometimes I feel out of control. Too stuck in the box.

I am too lazy to ask. What is time? What is our mind? Do we have a soul?

I think I am more interested in ppl thses days. We all change who are we?

Sunsets always remind me of highschool, I don't know why.

For some reason, beauty renders discontent. Uneasiness, Restless soul. makes me want to move, perhaps even run. Maybe even think. Thinking is probably the hardest. Because, now, you must not only move, but create, not of this world but of our imagination.


μ‹œμž‘μ΄ λ°˜μ΄μ§€λ§Œ, λ‚˜λ¨Έμ§€λŠ” μ–΄λ–»κ°€μ§€?

---

I needed my life to become ripe again, excititing as it used to be, full of newness that I had been seeking away from home. In series of attempts to motivate myself from watching random korean movies, to (trying to) waking up earlier[which did not work], I have decided to look back at the past, when I was motivated, nervous about life and things to come.


As naive as most of my journals were, I was pleasantly surprised, and quite proud I must say, of this one entry. An entry that I probably wrote at school while I was bored of some teacher blabbing on, but nonetheless it was, a message that I needed to hear now. I think I was writing to the world, and though I don't agree with some of the views of my past, it seemed like a letter or rather a scolding of my conciousness.


---

Date: In grade 12,January 17, 2010


If someone were to ask me for an advice, I would answer: for the heart or for the mind? I would tell them to continue to search for the truth, to always be fervent for the truth. Never take anything for granted, never to assume anything, be satisfied with nothing, be ignorant of nothing. I would agree that ignorance is bliss, but I'd tell them that ignorance is a drug. It keeps you in your highs, and lets you escape from this reality. You are hungry without it, become desperate for it, and you crave for even a small dose. I would love to tell them to sing and smile for you can forget about anything, everything while the ecstasy fill you, but I would tell them that we don't live to be happy nor to be comfortable, we live for the truth. They would repudiate and say that knwoing the whole truth is impossible. I would agree "Yes, it is impossible" but it is the attitude and the zeal which contributes for the knowledge of humanity that matters. That no one should live to live again, but destiny or not, we must fulfill our lives with purpose! the purpose to BE. I hope that you'll never give up. Just seek and ye shall find. Why? What? and How? These are the questions of recurring. These are the questions we must answer.

---


Perhaps the questions of desire are always within us. That is why we write journals, to seek answers, both then and now. Yes, it is true what they say. The answer is within us. The mirror that reflects our lives is not the mirror of the external. We may not be the progressive learners we hope to be, but as the child is the father to the man, the thoughts of yesterday may be the answers to the questions of today.


A note to self: Freedoms is not primarily choice and self-determination, but freedom is the discipling of our desire so as to make the achievement of the good first possible, and then effortless. - Father Barron-

Monday, February 28, 2011

친ꡬ?

흠..μ„œνˆ¬λ₯Έ ν•œκ΅­λ§.

μ˜€λžœλ§Œμ—, 9 λ…„λ§Œμ— λ§Œλ‚˜λŠ” μ˜ν˜„μ΄μ™€ 이틀을 μ§€λƒˆλ‹€.

μžŠμ–΄λ²„λ¦° 좔얡을 λ‹€μ‹œ μ°Ύμ•„λ³΄μžκ³  κ΅°λŒ€κ°”λ‹€κ°€ λ°±μΌνœ΄κ°€λ‚˜μ˜¨ 친ꡬλ₯Ό λ³΄λ‹ˆ, 였히렀 μ–΄μƒ‰ν•œμ μ΄ 더 λ§Žμ•˜λ‹€.


μ°Έ, μ΄ˆλ“±ν•™κ΅ κ΅νšŒμΉœκ΅¬μ™€ μˆ λ§ˆμ‹œλ©° μΈμƒμ˜ˆκΈ° ν•œλ‹€λŠ”κ²Œ 상상도 λͺ»ν–ˆλ˜μΌμ΄λ‹€.

μ–΄λ–»κ²Œ, 9λ…„λ§Œμ— λ§Œλ‚œ μΉœκ΅¬κ°€, ν•œλͺ…은 κ΅°λŒ€κ°€κ³ , ν•œλͺ…은 κ΅°λŒ€λ₯Ό μ•ˆκ°€λ„ λœλ‹€λŠ”κ²Œ, λ§λ„μ•ˆλ˜λ©΄μ„œλ„ 정말 μŠ¬ν”ˆμ˜ˆκΈ°λ„ λœλ‹€. κΈ°μ–΅λ‚˜λŠ” μΆ”μ–΅ μ˜ˆκΈ°ν•˜λ©΄μ„œλ„, μ–΄μƒ‰ν•΄μ„œ λ¬΄μŠ¨λ§μ„ ν•΄μ•Όμ§€, 그리고 μ–΄λ–»κ²Œ ν•΄μ•Ό λ‹€μ‹œ μΉœκ΅¬κ°€ λ μˆ˜μžˆλŠ”μ§€.

정말 킀크고, λ©Œμžˆμ–΄μ§„ ν™©μ˜ν˜„. μ–΄λ–»κ²Œ λ„€κ°€ λ‚˜λž‘ μΉœκ΅¬μ˜€λ‹ˆ?
같이 μš°λ¦¬μ§‘μ—μ„œ μ˜μ–΄κ³΅λΆ€ν•˜κ³ , κ΅νšŒλλ‚˜κ³  맨날 λ°€λŠ€κ²Œκ°€μ§€ 놀닀가 맨날 ν˜Όλ‚˜κ³ . ν”Όμžλ¨Ήκ³ , PC λ°© κ°€κ³ , λ†€μ΄ν„°μ—μ„œ λ°€μ„Έλ©΄μ„œ 놀고, μ§‘μ—μ™€μ„œ 죽어라 맏고. ν•˜ν•˜ 같이 λͺ©μš•도 ν–ˆλŠ”λ°. κ΅°λŒ€κ°„ λ„ˆλŠ” μ–΄λ₯Έκ°™κ³ , λ‚˜λŠ” 아무것도 λͺ¨λ₯΄λŠ” μœ μΉ˜μ›μƒ 같은 λŠλ‚Œμ΄λ‹€. 정말 μ„Έμ›” λ„ˆλ¬΄ λΉ¨λž‘κ°€λŠ”κ΅¬λ‚˜.
μ˜ν˜„μ΄κ°€ μ΄λž¬λ‹€ "κ΅°λŒ€κ°€λ©΄, ν›„νšŒν•˜λŠ”κ²„μ΄ λ„ˆλ¬΄λ‚˜ λ§Žλ‹€". κ³΅λΆ€μ•ˆν•΄μ„œ μ „λ¬ΈλŒ€ κ°”λ‹€ κ·Έλž¬λ‹€. μ§€λž„... λ„€κ°€ λ‚˜λ³΄λ‹€ μˆ˜ν•™κ³Ό 과학은 μž˜ν• κ±°λ‹€. μΊλ‚˜λ‹€ κ°€μ„œ λ‚˜λŠ” 싀컷놀고, 끝에 μ±…μ’€μ½μ—ˆλ‹€κ³ , λͺ…λ¬ΈλŒ€ κ°„λ‚˜λ³΄λ‹€, μ–΄λ Έμ„λ•ŒλΆ™μ–΄ λ‚˜λ³΄λ‹€ ν•œμˆ˜μœ„ μ˜€λ” μ˜ν˜„μ•„. λΉ¨λž‘ μˆ˜μœ„μ‚¬κ°€ λ˜μ–΄μ„œ μΊλ‚˜λ‹€ ν•œλ²ˆμ™€λΌ. λ‚΄κ°€ ν•œλ²ˆμ κ²Œ.
λ‚˜λ„, λ„ˆ... 그리고 λ‚˜μ˜ μΉœκ΅¬λ“€, λ‚˜λΌ, ꡭ방을 λ– λ‚œ λΉ„κ²ν•œ λ‚΄ μžμ‹ μ„ ν›„νšŒν• λ•Œλ„ μžˆλ‹€. κ·Έλž˜λ„ ν›„νšŒν•˜μ§€ 말자. λ‚΄κ°€ λ„ˆκ°™μ΄ κ³ μƒν•˜κ³ , μ™Έλ‘­μ§€λŠ” μ•Šκ² μ§€λ§Œ, λ‚˜λ„ μžμ·¨ν•˜λ©΄μ„œ λŠλ‚€κ²„μ€ ν•˜λ‚˜: λ‚΄κ°€ 아무리 집에가고싢어도, μ΄λ―ΈλŠ¦μ€μΌ, μ•žμœΌλ‘œλ‚˜ λ³΄λ©΄μ„œ μ‚΄μž.
λ„ˆλ₯Ό λ³΄λ©΄μ„œ λ‚˜λŠ” λ„ˆλ¬΄ λ―Έμ•ˆν•˜λ‹€. λ‚¨μžλΌλ©΄ λ‹Ήν˜„μ΄ ν•΄μ•Όμ•Œ 일: λ‚˜λΌλ₯Ό μ§€ν‚€λŠ” 일. ν•œκ΅­μ΄ μ˜ν˜„μ΄λ‘œλΆ€ν„° μ–Όλ§ˆλ‚˜ μœ„λŒ€ν•œλ‚˜λΌμΈμ§€ μ•Œμ•˜λ‹€. μ‚¬λžŒμ„ μƒκ°ν•œλŠ” μ‚¬λžŒμœΌλ‘œ λ§Œλ“ μ™Έλ‘œμŒ, κ·ΈλŸ¬λ‚˜ 쑰ꡭ을 μœ„ν•΄ λͺΈμ„λ²„λ¦¬λŠ” 희생.
μ˜ν˜„μ΄μ§‘μ—, λ‚˜λ„ 읽어보지 μ•Šμ€ "The catcher in the rye" 와 "Farenheit 451" μžˆμ–΄μ„œ λΉŒλ €μ€„μ†Œ μžˆλƒκ³  λ¬Όμ–΄λ³΄λ‹ˆ..."κ°€μ Έ! λ„Œ 어렸을떼도 μ±…λΉŒλ €κ°€κ³ , μ§€κΈˆλ„ μ±…λΉŒλ¦¬λ‚΄, μ§œμ‹" λ‚΄κ°€ κ·Έλž¬λ‚˜? 기얡도 쒋은 μ˜ν˜„μ΄. μ§œμ‹, λ„€κ°€ λ‚˜λ³΄λ‹€ 그만큼 책을 더 λ§Žμ΄μ½μ–΄μ„œ μ§ˆνˆ¬λ‚˜μ„œ κ·Έλž¬λ‹€!
벌써 νœ΄κ°€κ°€ 끝났닀. κ΅°λŒ€λ§ŒνΌ νž˜λ“ μΌμ΄μ—†λŒ€ μ˜ν˜„μ•„. νž˜λ‚΄λΌ! λ‚˜ μ™€μ„œ λͺ¨λ“ κ²„이 μ‰¬μ–΄μ§€κΈΈλ°”λž€λ‹€.
μ˜ν˜„μ•„... λ‚˜λ„ μ‘Έμ—…ν•˜κ³  사관학ꡐ κΌ­ λ“€μ–΄κ°€μ„œ, ν•œλ²ˆ 같이 μ‹Έμš°μž! μΈμƒμ˜ μ „νˆ¬μž₯μ• μ„œ...
μ•„... λ°°κ³ ν”„λ‹€. 좔얡이...

Monday, February 21, 2011

We the Living (no spoilers) [reading week!!!]

I've recently finished Ayn Rand's first novel: We the living.

A peculiar love story of a highly resoulute individualist Kira, and her search for romance and freedom. But the romantic conflicts of Kira is a mere cover-up of Rand's expression of communism. In 1925 Soviet Russia, all the once considered bourgeoise struggle to make a living in the quickly transforming proletariat communism. Ayn Rand not only takes us into the historical horror of lennon's administration, but renders the reader with some kind of sympathy towards humanity: what wouldn't we do for food?

It's the center of the battle between food and ideology; life verses after-life in a sesnse. The bourgeoise fight for are individual freedom to privacy and work. The proletariats fight for equality and duty. Although the book is blindingly biased against communism, I couldn't agree with her more. To find out what I'm saying, read the book! it's Reading week!!

what I found most fascinating was how she title the book: We the Living.
In communism, 'we' is equivalent to life it self. A life not dedicated to the society is not a life pursuing at all. Rand just shows us how deleterious that ideology can be.
I don't want to bash communism too much here, but a socity of fallen tweeks and broken bones is a dead society, a dead culture. Picasso once said, that 'computer is useless, they can only give answers'. Perhaps computer is not totally useless, but it's inability to create and ask questions is why it's rendered as a mere tool, not an entity of it self. Communism makes computers out of people. We the living is an ironic title, of a dying Soviet Union right from its birth.

anyways, have a great reading week! if you don't have a book to read!
definitely check out ayn rand's We the Living!

Saturday, February 5, 2011

Much to do, much to think, much love

I've been up to alot in the past 2 weeks . busy busy!
since its the lunar new year, I've been travelling all over visiting relatives from around the country. Of course I was happy to see them all, but more on that later

But here are my thoughts on 'Four Loves' by C.S lewis.
First of all, it's an excellent book that I'd recommend to any christian. (along with any other C.S lewis books)

This was the second book that I'e read analysing 'love' in depth. Asie from a mundae view of love from psychologists, Erich Fromm's "The art of Loving" and the "The Four Loves" adequately explores our subconscious and our inclinations. Where the 'The Art of Loving" deals with the theory and the practice of love from a scholastic and social perspective, the "The Four Loves" is a much deeper spiritual book. C.S Lewis, aware of the incipient spiritually alienated post- war christians, implores the reader to reevaluate the essence of our relationships: love.

From his derivation of 3 types of loves: Gift-love, Need-love, and Appreciative-love, he futher categorizes and anlayzes love from a dep christian perspective: Affection, Friendship, Eros and Charity. Perhaps the most revealing and interesting chapter for me, was of friendship. Without going in detail, I cam to appreciate and acknowledging my friends much more in a very differenty way.

Too many memorable memorable memories quotes from the book, but since I'm at an internet cafe atm, and don't have the book avec moi, I won't be able to quote mr. lewis.

Again, a great christian read: C.S Lewis's "The Four Loves"

Sunday, January 23, 2011

Day 2 +3

Sat. Jan 22. 2011
- Seeing my relatives, it's a funny feeling.
- Already I feel like my enligsh is slowly deteriorating, I can't lose it. how can I keep it up?
- Saturday flew by pretty quickly..
- I need to find a peace of mind, a place where I can make new friends.
- I need to have a schedule, somewhat of an order.
- magnetism: strong attractive power or charm
- tabula rasa: 1. a mind not yet affected by experiences, impressions, etc.
2. anything existing undisturbed in its original pure state.
- ethereal: extremely delicate or refined; heavenly or celestial
- avant garde: the advance group in any field, esp. in the visual, literary, or musical arts, whose works are characterized chiefly by unorthodox and experimental methods
- raison d'etre: reason or justification for being or existence: Art is the artist's raison d'Γͺtre.
- Neil Young
- Tom n Toms coffee shop 4000 won, rice cake: 2000 won
- All the songs on the playlist at the coffee shop are in english! whoa, one of them = avril lavigne's skater boy! hahaha
- Revisitation of the argument from the physical gap:
- I use to think that the argument for the physical was sufficient to stand as a dualist(that the soul exists distinct from the body/brain), now I'm beginning to wonder. The argument from the physical gap is that there is a physical gap between the actual neurons and the experience that we experience. For example, the memory we may conjure up is distinctively different(super physical) than the neurons that are firing in our nervous system (physical). Not just memories, but pain, joy, pictures, logic etc... However, I wonder if a completely physical being can experience super-physical experience. Just because someone's experience is not physical, does not mean that the agent himself has to be not physical. I.E, The physical me experiences the super-physical experience. This sounds really abstract and absurd, but not really. It's like how people say they experience God. Think of a computer. It's made up of bunch of programming parts and hardware. These programs function together to perform a specific function. But these functions aren't necessarily physical. A computer may solve mathematical problems, or draw a picture, but the logical equation it solves is distinctively different from the actual electrical signals and the hardware. hmmm.
It's too bad I don't understand computers very well. I'm going to have to find out though. I need to find someone who knows computers well and ask:
1. how do computers perform a specific function? via alphanumeric codes? if so how are these codes transformed into logic?
2. how do computers make distinctions between different inputs? for example, pictures vs words?
Now let's learn about computers!!!

But the argument for the self-consciousness is still legitimate. the idea that I am aware of what I am doing. Computer is not aware that it is making such functions, it just does it. but humans, we are conscious of our actions.

January 23. 2011 Church day.
Church was aiight. seriously.
- But went to a department store today, whoaaa SOOOO NICEEE!!!!!
- too bad I was so full, I couldn't enjoy the samples at the market. boooo
- seriously though, so nice.
- One thing I noticed is that people don't smile as much here than in Canada.
- small box of Kiwi = 8000Won = 8 dollars. some things are just REALLY expansive here.
- proclivity: natural or habitual inclination or tendency
- confabulating: to converse informally; chat
- obsequiousness: characterized by or showing servile complaisance or deference; fawning:
- palatable: acceptable or agreeable to the palate, taste, mind or feelings.

Friday, January 21, 2011

1st day in Korea

- Wake up at 2:30 AM because of Jetleggggg
- Go back to sleep and wakey again at 7:00
- leaving Aun't's place to hospital @ 8:27
- Goal: wake up early everday, don't waste the mornings!!
- On the bus: The air is SO polluted. I coughed my lungs out on my first breath. It's like having a smoke puffed at right in front of your face. I'm already overwhelmed by the myriad of billboards, and advertisements all over the street, but I'm truly impressed(already) with the advancement in technology.
- Oh! and how the bus takes so many turns, rather than just (practically( straight bus routes of T.O, it takes so many turns.... so confused.
- hmmm, EVERY roadsigns are in korean AND in english! WHOAA
- My first ride on the subway is over. Inexplicably strange. I feel quite foreign. The seats are heated, quite comfortable in the winter.
- At the dermatologists, a little be weirded out. how? when? It costs alot!
- λͺ…동 칼ꡭ수 6,000 Won; 평양식 μ™•λ§Œλ‘ 6000 won.
- ν•˜λ£¨ν•˜λ£¨κ°€ λ°”μ˜λ‹€. Everyday we are hustling.
- I walked across an empty land,
I knew the pathway like the back of my hand.

Monday, January 17, 2011

What would you do if you weren't afraid

Sometime 3 years ago, I was appoached with the question: What would you do if you weren't afraid. Having wrestled with this question for a while, I've decided to live my life as fearless as possible. Though I may have regrets in my life, it would be of fearless, bold-hearted life. That was and still is how I make my choices. Soccer, Faith, Missions, McGill, CogSci, and now Korea.

For obvious reasons, I have revisited this question, and pondered yet again whether living fearless is wiser than living wise, or happier than happiness. Out of curiosity, I mass texted my friends and asked the same question, wondering whether I would receive the same type of response. Here they are:

What would you do if you weren't afraid?
- If I wasn't afraid... I would take a lot of risks in my life.
- I would eat more.
- Swim with sharks, but I'd probably do that anyways
- I would try everything that I can ever do in this world.
- Drop out of mcgill and move to new york state.
- I wouldn't study for physics final and wing it.. Nerdy huh?
- I would definitely walk around naked in the summer.
- Of what?
- I would live life to the fullest and enjoy every opportunity no matter how small it is :)
- I would do everything I felt like doing.
- I'd become an actress. You?
- I would go sky diving.
- Try things that I never would or could have done.
- Don't know if I could live.
- One thing i would like to do if i was not afraid of is that i would like tell the girl who deep in my heart that i love her and never give up on her~ Meanwhile, I might have nothing to afraid of ~
- I would find something I'd be afraid of... That's food for thought!

Most are either cheesy, or cliche... yes, a few honest and direct, witty and comical.
but perhaps the last response resembled my life the most.

I wouldn't change a thing.

Thursday, January 13, 2011

I showered for an hour today

I showered for an hour today.
'Till the hot water steams turned
cold running dreams

I showered for an hour today.
Singing to be heard all across the bathroom
but not enough to reach heaven or hell.

I showered for an hour today.
My sweat, indistinguishable
from the shower head.

I showered for an hour today,
'cause I could not let my mother see
the tears dripping from the face of me.

Peter Park
14/01/2011

Tuesday, January 11, 2011

Naissance

What is birth?

the enlightenment of self actualization?
the surreal conscious grasping its epiphany in the midst of its evanescence?

at this unfortunate hour, I am the lucky one.

Shall I complain?
that my return is not to beheld on donkey's back
that they will not chant Hosanna as I greet my own?
but I am not to be a fair cross.

Perhaps, this is my renaissance.
A foreign heart, with a rooted soul
An exploration into a familiar dream.

I wait again at this
soul seeking, hope-hallowed,
life-lacerated, unfortunate hour,
to revisit my family and to cure my mournful disease.

Perhaps, this is my renaissance.

or perhaps... a mere naissance.

1/11/11