Day 2 +3

Sat. Jan 22. 2011
- Seeing my relatives, it's a funny feeling.
- Already I feel like my enligsh is slowly deteriorating, I can't lose it. how can I keep it up?
- Saturday flew by pretty quickly..
- I need to find a peace of mind, a place where I can make new friends.
- I need to have a schedule, somewhat of an order.
- magnetism: strong attractive power or charm
- tabula rasa: 1. a mind not yet affected by experiences, impressions, etc.
2. anything existing undisturbed in its original pure state.
- ethereal: extremely delicate or refined; heavenly or celestial
- avant garde: the advance group in any field, esp. in the visual, literary, or musical arts, whose works are characterized chiefly by unorthodox and experimental methods
- raison d'etre: reason or justification for being or existence: Art is the artist's raison d'être.
- Neil Young
- Tom n Toms coffee shop 4000 won, rice cake: 2000 won
- All the songs on the playlist at the coffee shop are in english! whoa, one of them = avril lavigne's skater boy! hahaha
- Revisitation of the argument from the physical gap:
- I use to think that the argument for the physical was sufficient to stand as a dualist(that the soul exists distinct from the body/brain), now I'm beginning to wonder. The argument from the physical gap is that there is a physical gap between the actual neurons and the experience that we experience. For example, the memory we may conjure up is distinctively different(super physical) than the neurons that are firing in our nervous system (physical). Not just memories, but pain, joy, pictures, logic etc... However, I wonder if a completely physical being can experience super-physical experience. Just because someone's experience is not physical, does not mean that the agent himself has to be not physical. I.E, The physical me experiences the super-physical experience. This sounds really abstract and absurd, but not really. It's like how people say they experience God. Think of a computer. It's made up of bunch of programming parts and hardware. These programs function together to perform a specific function. But these functions aren't necessarily physical. A computer may solve mathematical problems, or draw a picture, but the logical equation it solves is distinctively different from the actual electrical signals and the hardware. hmmm.
It's too bad I don't understand computers very well. I'm going to have to find out though. I need to find someone who knows computers well and ask:
1. how do computers perform a specific function? via alphanumeric codes? if so how are these codes transformed into logic?
2. how do computers make distinctions between different inputs? for example, pictures vs words?
Now let's learn about computers!!!

But the argument for the self-consciousness is still legitimate. the idea that I am aware of what I am doing. Computer is not aware that it is making such functions, it just does it. but humans, we are conscious of our actions.

January 23. 2011 Church day.
Church was aiight. seriously.
- But went to a department store today, whoaaa SOOOO NICEEE!!!!!
- too bad I was so full, I couldn't enjoy the samples at the market. boooo
- seriously though, so nice.
- One thing I noticed is that people don't smile as much here than in Canada.
- small box of Kiwi = 8000Won = 8 dollars. some things are just REALLY expansive here.
- proclivity: natural or habitual inclination or tendency
- confabulating: to converse informally; chat
- obsequiousness: characterized by or showing servile complaisance or deference; fawning:
- palatable: acceptable or agreeable to the palate, taste, mind or feelings.

1st day in Korea

- Wake up at 2:30 AM because of Jetleggggg
- Go back to sleep and wakey again at 7:00
- leaving Aun't's place to hospital @ 8:27
- Goal: wake up early everday, don't waste the mornings!!
- On the bus: The air is SO polluted. I coughed my lungs out on my first breath. It's like having a smoke puffed at right in front of your face. I'm already overwhelmed by the myriad of billboards, and advertisements all over the street, but I'm truly impressed(already) with the advancement in technology.
- Oh! and how the bus takes so many turns, rather than just (practically( straight bus routes of T.O, it takes so many turns.... so confused.
- hmmm, EVERY roadsigns are in korean AND in english! WHOAA
- My first ride on the subway is over. Inexplicably strange. I feel quite foreign. The seats are heated, quite comfortable in the winter.
- At the dermatologists, a little be weirded out. how? when? It costs alot!
- 명동 칼국수 6,000 Won; 평양식 왕만두 6000 won.
- 하루하루가 바쁘다. Everyday we are hustling.
- I walked across an empty land,
I knew the pathway like the back of my hand.

What would you do if you weren't afraid

Sometime 3 years ago, I was appoached with the question: What would you do if you weren't afraid. Having wrestled with this question for a while, I've decided to live my life as fearless as possible. Though I may have regrets in my life, it would be of fearless, bold-hearted life. That was and still is how I make my choices. Soccer, Faith, Missions, McGill, CogSci, and now Korea.

For obvious reasons, I have revisited this question, and pondered yet again whether living fearless is wiser than living wise, or happier than happiness. Out of curiosity, I mass texted my friends and asked the same question, wondering whether I would receive the same type of response. Here they are:

What would you do if you weren't afraid?
- If I wasn't afraid... I would take a lot of risks in my life.
- I would eat more.
- Swim with sharks, but I'd probably do that anyways
- I would try everything that I can ever do in this world.
- Drop out of mcgill and move to new york state.
- I wouldn't study for physics final and wing it.. Nerdy huh?
- I would definitely walk around naked in the summer.
- Of what?
- I would live life to the fullest and enjoy every opportunity no matter how small it is :)
- I would do everything I felt like doing.
- I'd become an actress. You?
- I would go sky diving.
- Try things that I never would or could have done.
- Don't know if I could live.
- One thing i would like to do if i was not afraid of is that i would like tell the girl who deep in my heart that i love her and never give up on her~ Meanwhile, I might have nothing to afraid of ~
- I would find something I'd be afraid of... That's food for thought!

Most are either cheesy, or cliche... yes, a few honest and direct, witty and comical.
but perhaps the last response resembled my life the most.

I wouldn't change a thing.

I showered for an hour today

I showered for an hour today.
'Till the hot water steams turned
cold running dreams

I showered for an hour today.
Singing to be heard all across the bathroom
but not enough to reach heaven or hell.

I showered for an hour today.
My sweat, indistinguishable
from the shower head.

I showered for an hour today,
'cause I could not let my mother see
the tears dripping from the face of me.

Peter Park
14/01/2011

Naissance

What is birth?

the enlightenment of self actualization?

the surreal conscious grasping its epiphany in the midst of its evanescence?

at this unfortunate hour, I am the lucky one.

Shall I complain?

that my return is not to beheld on donkey's back

that they will not chant Hosanna as I greet my own?

but I am not to be a fair cross.

Perhaps, this is my renaissance.

A foreign heart, with a rooted soul

An exploration into a familiar dream.

I wait again at this

soul seeking, hope-hallowed,

life-lacerated, unfortunate hour,

to revisit my family and to cure my mournful disease.

Perhaps, this is my renaissance.

or perhaps... a mere naissance.

1/11/11