친구?

흠..서투른 한국말.

오랜만에, 9 년만에 만나는 의현이와 이틀을 지냈다.

잊어버린 추억을 다시 찾아보자고 군대갔다가 백일휴가나온 친구를 보니, 오히려 어색한점이 더 많았다.

참, 초등학교 교회친구와 술마시며 인생예기 한다는게 상상도 못했던일이다.

어떻게, 9년만에 만난 친구가, 한명은 군대가고, 한명은 군대를 안가도 된다는게, 말도안되면서도 정말 슬픈예기도 된다. 기억나는 추억 예기하면서도, 어색해서 무슨말을 해야지, 그리고 어떻게 해야 다시 친구가 될수있는지.

정말 키크고, 멌있어진 황의현. 어떻게 네가 나랑 친구였니?

같이 우리집에서 영어공부하고, 교회끝나고 맨날 밤늤게가지 놀다가 맨날 혼나고. 피자먹고, PC 방 가고, 놀이터에서 밤세면서 놀고, 집에와서 죽어라 맏고. 하하 같이 목욕도 했는데. 군대간 너는 어른같고, 나는 아무것도 모르는 유치원생 같은 느낌이다. 정말 세월 너무 빨랑가는구나.

의현이가 이랬다 "군대가면, 후회하는겄이 너무나 많다". 공부안해서 전문대 갔다 그랬다. 지랄... 네가 나보다 수학과 과학은 잘할거다. 캐나다 가서 나는 실컷놀고, 끝에 책좀읽었다고, 명문대 간나보다, 어렸을때붙어 나보다 한수위 였더 의현아. 빨랑 수위사가 되어서 캐나다 한번와라. 내가 한번쏠게.

나도, 너... 그리고 나의 친구들, 나라, 국방을 떠난 비겁한 내 자신을 후회할때도 있다. 그래도 후회하지 말자. 내가 너같이 고생하고, 외롭지는 않겠지만, 나도 자취하면서 느낀겄은 하나: 내가 아무리 집에가고싶어도, 이미늦은일, 앞으로나 보면서 살자.

너를 보면서 나는 너무 미안하다. 남자라면 당현이 해야알 일: 나라를 지키는 일. 한국이 의현이로부터 얼마나 위대한나라인지 알았다. 사람을 생각한는 사람으로 만든외로음, 그러나 조국을 위해 몸을버리는 희생.

의현이집에, 나도 읽어보지 않은 "The catcher in the rye" 와 "Farenheit 451" 있어서 빌려줄소 있냐고 물어보니..."가져! 넌 어렸을떼도 책빌려가고, 지금도 책빌리내, 짜식" 내가 그랬나? 기억도 좋은 의현이. 짜식, 네가 나보다 그만큼 책을 더 많이읽어서 질투나서 그랬다!

벌써 휴가가 끝났다. 군대만큼 힘든일이없대 의현아. 힘내라! 나 와서 모든겄이 쉬어지길바란다.

의현아... 나도 졸업하고 사관학교 꼭 들어가서, 한번 같이 싸우자! 인생의 전투장애서...

아... 배고프다. 추억이...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qBYGLksRWRE

We the Living (no spoilers) [reading week!!!]

I've recently finished Ayn Rand's first novel: We the living.

A peculiar love story of a highly resoulute individualist Kira, and her search for romance and freedom. But the romantic conflicts of Kira is a mere cover-up of Rand's expression of communism. In 1925 Soviet Russia, all the once considered bourgeoise struggle to make a living in the quickly transforming proletariat communism. Ayn Rand not only takes us into the historical horror of lennon's administration, but renders the reader with some kind of sympathy towards humanity: what wouldn't we do for food?

It's the center of the battle between food and ideology; life verses after-life in a sesnse. The bourgeoise fight for are individual freedom to privacy and work. The proletariats fight for equality and duty. Although the book is blindingly biased against communism, I couldn't agree with her more. To find out what I'm saying, read the book! it's Reading week!!

what I found most fascinating was how she title the book: We the Living.
In communism, 'we' is equivalent to life it self. A life not dedicated to the society is not a life pursuing at all. Rand just shows us how deleterious that ideology can be.
I don't want to bash communism too much here, but a socity of fallen tweeks and broken bones is a dead society, a dead culture. Picasso once said, that 'computer is useless, they can only give answers'. Perhaps computer is not totally useless, but it's inability to create and ask questions is why it's rendered as a mere tool, not an entity of it self. Communism makes computers out of people. We the living is an ironic title, of a dying Soviet Union right from its birth.

anyways, have a great reading week! if you don't have a book to read!
definitely check out ayn rand's We the Living!

Much to do, much to think, much love

I've been up to alot in the past 2 weeks . busy busy!
since its the lunar new year, I've been travelling all over visiting relatives from around the country. Of course I was happy to see them all, but more on that later

But here are my thoughts on 'Four Loves' by C.S lewis.
First of all, it's an excellent book that I'd recommend to any christian. (along with any other C.S lewis books)

This was the second book that I'e read analysing 'love' in depth. Asie from a mundae view of love from psychologists, Erich Fromm's "The art of Loving" and the "The Four Loves" adequately explores our subconscious and our inclinations. Where the 'The Art of Loving" deals with the theory and the practice of love from a scholastic and social perspective, the "The Four Loves" is a much deeper spiritual book. C.S Lewis, aware of the incipient spiritually alienated post- war christians, implores the reader to reevaluate the essence of our relationships: love.

From his derivation of 3 types of loves: Gift-love, Need-love, and Appreciative-love, he futher categorizes and anlayzes love from a dep christian perspective: Affection, Friendship, Eros and Charity. Perhaps the most revealing and interesting chapter for me, was of friendship. Without going in detail, I cam to appreciate and acknowledging my friends much more in a very differenty way.

Too many memorable memorable memories quotes from the book, but since I'm at an internet cafe atm, and don't have the book avec moi, I won't be able to quote mr. lewis.

Again, a great christian read: C.S Lewis's "The Four Loves"